Saturday, November 14, 2009

Unsilenced

I know many of you have wondered why I often refer to my ex as the "Crazy Ex." It's not that I want to disrespect him or mock him in any way. I am very much cognizant of the fact that he is the father of my children and therefore must be accorded some dignity.

In that vein, I have tried my best to find some way of reaching out to him to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of the emotional well being of the children. It has been for naught.

Truth be told it has been HELL and the intensity increases everyday.

Everything that should not be done when parents are divorcing, he has done without regard to the resulting damage to the children, our families, or ourselves. But what should I have expected? I suffered quietly for many years under the burden of verbal and emotional abuse. In all of those years, I begged and pleaded for family counseling to make things better. He made numerous unkept promises, and outright lied over and over about many things for years. Everytime I threatened to leave, he would cry for forgiveness, breaking my resolve, only to revert back to a screaming, cussing, name-calling, judgmental monster minutes later. I died a little with every insult, every put down, and derogatory name. That's why my blog is tagged- "rising to the surface." I'm trying to climb out of the coffin I found my heart buried in.

I can't tell you how many times I wished he would have just hit me. It would have made things easier. Bruises and black eyes can't be ignored. Scars on the heart and soul on the other hand.... not so easy to see.

Things took a dangerous turn last April when he declared "I will make it my life's mission to destroy you. You don't exist." (WTF!? Me? Great, I'm only the mother of your children!) That's why there is a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) in effect right now. But as my attorney explained to me, since I was too chicken to get one before when the threats were really bad, they may not give me a permanent one. So I blog my life stories now. Because we all know a TRO is just a piece of paper and I want you guys to know.... I existed.

But that will be a story for another day. It is still ongoing, and too painful to discuss. However, you can read Kelly's story here. It is almost a mirror of mine, except he did actually call me those things. At least her husband started to realize what he was doing. I pray my Crazy Ex will also.

Maybe one day, I will be bravely unsilenced. Like her.






3 comments:

  1. Wow, Vivianne. You are a true survivor. I am so sorry to hear that you have had such difficult experiences. Difficult in so many ways. Difficult to live through. Difficult to rise out of... I think it is wonderful that you are writing about your experiences and sharing with other women, who might not yet be brave enough to leave their abusive relationships or speak out about what is happening to them. I admire you!

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  2. Thank you Naomi! Some days have been really dark, and it was difficult writing about it. But I am encouraged and most of all incredibly happy knowing my children now have a chance to see what true love should be like. Thank you for the comments. Helps keep me going!

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  3. Hello Vivianne,

    I am so sorry for what you have been through with your ex. I can only say that I am proud of you for being strong enough to leave him.

    I look forward to reading your other posts as you truly have a voice with your writing.

    I'm so glad that you are part of The Aspiring Writers Group!!

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